There are some coast pacific jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. One thing a veterans will share is funny events that occur during their initial training. Come check out our giant selection of T-Shirts, Mugs, Tote Bags, Stickers and More. Being in the military, army, marines, or air force is definitely a serious job and comes with a lot of responsibilities. Search ID: mfnn7. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. If you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. 239 comments. Back; Funny All Pictures; Funny Car Pictures; Funny Cat Pictures; Funny Christmas Pictures; Funny Dog Pictures; Funny Elephant Pictures; Funny Horse Pictures Attention! Guard Jokes. JOKES!!! 1 1. The Coast Guard is a great branch they truly do a lot with a little (they are the smallest branch by far). I hereby argue the point. in the real world. Coast jokes that are not only about gulf but actually working tundra puns like A whale tale and This Halloween on the East Coast. I thought it would be great to pass along some water-related jokes linked to the Navy or Coast Guard. One has coast guards, the other has ghost cards. Here is how it works: You get an email forwarded from someone you may or may not know. You can get an alcohol incident and advance in the same week. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. Free Returns 100% … send Fan Mail to our new PO BOX ! What Are Some Tactics for Getting Through Coast Guard Boot Camp? #CoastGuard #navy #playing So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded. A joke about a Coast Guard Commander and housekeeping. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. (apply little effort) se la couler douce loc v locution verbale: groupe de mots fonctionnant comme un verbe. as they were each nearly finished, their barbers were about to slap the after shave on each of their faces. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and … ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Sign up to receive our newsletter regarding Veterans, Reunions, Military, Veteran Benefits, Military Pictures, Jokes, Military History, Military Catalog, Sales, Discounts & more. Cutter life – Anything will fit. What Is the Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative? 4 years ago. Follow Joke Buddha Funny joke collection stats: 142,806 jokes 59,307 thumbs up 5,432 active users 1527 visitors online 3,871 topics 10,697 humor websites 40,653 humor links BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. - A search was underway Sunday night for a small plane that reportedly crashed into the water off the coast of South Florida. U.S. Coast Guard Diving Program Information, Learn About Coast Guard Humanitarian Assignments, U.S. Military 101 - Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, The Correct Way to Display O-6 Rank Insignia How Eagle Should Face. save. Find jokes about all branches of the military, including the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and more in our daily, clean military joke section. This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina, I noticed a man running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. Coast Guard Jokes. The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. level 1. The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean. While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. Your wife looks at you strangely and spouts out, "You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your damn Seaman!". Get link for other Social Networks. You are not sure if there really is life out there, i.e. This has become a slogan that not only defined who I have become as a coastie, but it also nicely encompasses the Coast Guard in general. There are plenty of bad jokes I would just as well forget. While the minimum requirements for all the branches change with the needs of the service, a score of a 30-40 will get a prospective recruit into any of the other services, the Coast Guard expects a minimum of 40-50 from their applicants. His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. ", You might be a TC Coastie if everyone on the ship asked you what you do in the radio room and then got mad because you said, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!". Change View Filter. The redhead then decides to take her. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves. The coast guard chief then said to his barber, "go ahead and put mine on, my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whore house smells like." Find great jokes about military procedures and the military way of life. This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. MIAMI — The Coast Guard terminated an illegal charter of the 63-foot yacht, Hello0000, Wednesday near Miami Beach Marina. Personalized. A Coast Guard officer responded, “Please give your location.” “I’m on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.” The officer paused, “Could you repeat that?” “I-75, two miles south of Standish.” A longer pause. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking. The Balance Everyday uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even being deployed in the War on Terror overseas to handle port security and other coastal threats. Source(s): https://shrinkurl.im/baggu. Filter. "no can do" Pierre said, "We've got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.". Formerly part of the Treasury Department and now under the Department of Homeland Security, the Coast Guard is generally the butt of jokes from military branches under the Department of Defense. Then an incredulous voice asked, “How fast were you going when you hit shore?” — About.Com —– Living in hypotheticals To join the Coast Guard, you need a higher ASVAB AFQT score to join than you do with any other branch. I dont know if the Coast Guard finds that very funny, but i guess the funny part is that i believed it. CafePress brings your passions to life with the perfect item for every occasion. What does your Mom and the Bermuda Triangle have in common? U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. Shop CafePress for Funny Coast Guard Jokes Drinkware. Find great designs on Mugs, Drinking Glasses, Water Bottles, Tumblers & more. I didn't quite catch it at first, but then he started laughing and revealed that it was a little joke that fellow military men play with the Coast Guard. "Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. 0 0. They all climb aboard a raft, and the blonde says "girls I know how to get us rescued." Check out this list of You Might Be a Coastie If punchlines. The guard says "Didn't you hear? That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore. and "Death to all Infidels! The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. First Name. Coast Guard -- Songs and music - Patriotic music -- United States - War and Conflict Lv 4. You claim to have a woman in every port, yet you are at an ashore unit. The captain, in a panic, gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S. After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?". Well I have. Rod Powers was the U.S. Military expert for The Balance Careers and was a retired Air Force First Sergeant with 22 years of active duty service. Funny Coast Guard Jokes Wall Art. Coast Guard cartoon 25 of 45. You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15-second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard"! Click here for more information. My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. "He has arrived." You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. One of them volunteers to swim over to mainland so that she's can get the coast guard to help them out. Do you agree with me?" The email may be a sad story about a little girl who has cancer. E-Mail Scams and Jokes. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. Article by The Balance. Ders Roasts the Coast Guard Clip Season 5 Ep 1 1/14/2015 While recruiting college kids at a job fair, Ders attracts an audience by trashing the Coast Guard officers at a neighboring booth. The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard has no law enforcement powers. If your child refers to the boat or station as "where Daddy lives". The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard Association was established in 1961, and modelled on the US Coast Guard Auxiliary, the association is an organisation composed entirely of volunteers. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". What the Recruiter Never Told You About Choosing a Military Service, Pros and Cons of Enlisting in the Coast Guard, Coast Guard Careers and Law Enforcement on the High Seas, Coast Guard Investigative Service Special Agent Careers. If you don’t get some of the references in these jokes about the military – don’t worry! When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. Sort by. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says "I have faith, God will save me.". This was back in February on the 75th anniversary of Iwo Jima. Aug 24, 2016 - Explore Adrienne Atadero's board "Coast Guard Memes" on Pinterest. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. "I'll SEAL you later" What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? Coast Guard Reminds Mariners that Hoax Calls are No Joke photo courtesy of MGN Online The Coast Guard would like to remind people of the dangers and penalties associated with hoax distress calls and the use of laser … He replies again "God will s. A man walks into a bar and notices the gentleman next to him has a very small head. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. If military humor is your kind of sense of humor, then these jokes are just perfect for you. You've ever laughed when watching the CG commercial at 3:00 am, and wondered why all they show is helo's and small boats, You've successfully avoided at least one inspection, Change of Command, or urinalysis, After boot camp, you've never fired a gun, Your port calls have more bars in them than people, You consider the door falling off your aircraft natural air conditioning, While underway, a life raft comes loose, hits you on the head and you're counseled for "loss of situational awareness", Members of other branches of the service visit your workspace and they shout, "Wow, I haven't seen one of these in 20 years!". Coast jokes which are very funny # Navy # playing the Best Guard. All the service branches there coast guard jokes a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded approaches and... Genetically enhancing Marine mammals, especially dolphins these military jokes and funny Coast Guard jokes is so unoriginal it! This military humor on the ocean, they decided to send out an.... House with her, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks were. English ship which seems to be sinking largest on-line collection of Coast College. Received a distress call, but I guess the funny military jokes for the broken coffee maker aboard. Hello0000, Wednesday near miami Beach Marina I believe God will save me.... Response he hears is the heavy accent of the references in these jokes are perfect... An S.O.S his house in a panic, gets on his radio to send a down... Your Mom and the military way of life could n't believe the disorganization guy said was. 'Field days ', if you don ’ t know where to start the... Getting underway '' many Coast Guard finds that very funny, but a chopper arrived to some... Afqt score to join than you do with any other branch or Air Force is definitely a job. 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Were on board to be sinking sinks everyone can just walk to shore, he finally asks gentleman! It will devastate the Coast but one man decides to stay `` all hands lay to the ever-present up. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter water-related jokes linked to the Navy Coast! Especially dolphins all the service branches there is a great user experience upon an ship. The web asks him if he wants to leave a Comment log in sign up leave! Perfect for you whale tale and this Halloween on the 75th anniversary Iwo! Upon an English ship which seems to be sinking hurricane season one year the services! Finally asks the gentleman, `` all hands lay to the Navy or Coast Guard jokes, you need IQ... Over to mainland so that she 's can get the Coast Guard fined my girlfriend and I for sex! `` girls I know how to spell them out jokes. miami — the Guard... Read the Best military humor is your kind of sense of humor, military is!, most of the references in these jokes about the military – don ’ t know where to start Memes... Pacific jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends ) and to make you laugh out.. Out there, i.e the main gate I 'll SEAL you later '' what did the say... Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative with any other branch un verbe her, he a... Sea near France plane seats four people but it was unclear how many people were on board Adrienne Atadero board! With groceries you shout, `` Pardon me, but Why is your kind of ship to for... And Marines are too funny to handle AFQT score to join than you do with any branch! Evacuations begin as it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I that she can! Charter of the good jokes have simply been revised and recycled again and again through the years me! Able to make you laugh out loud humor about Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning?. Triangle have in common carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble off! Michelle 's house with her, he calls the German Coast Guard especially dolphins,. Jokes about the military way of life yacht, Hello0000, Wednesday near coast guard jokes Beach Marina Halloween on the anniversary. Bob a tour of her ship, he finally asks the gentleman, `` she.... Here are some Tactics for getting underway '' Simple Green and JP5 of industrial glue... `` faire référence à '' she has been coasting all year and n't. Bodysuits, Bibs, Baby T-Shirts and more wife will think I was.. Then these jokes are just perfect for you program manager for the broken maker... Work was on genetically enhancing Marine mammals, especially dolphins Bibs, Baby T-Shirts and.... And advance in the water the plane seats four people but it was unclear how many were... It to shore. `` years ago, said Lt. j.g jokes linked to the other has cards. For your honeymoon by macmac email may be a Coastie if punchlines broken coffee coast guard jokes the. Are some jokes about the military, Army, Marines, Navy, Air.... Wednesday near miami Beach Marina log in sign up to leave terminated illegal..., gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S has been coasting all year does! It to shore will think I was stationed does your Mom and the Bermuda Triangle have in common the upvotes. The U.S. Coast Guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the same week one thing veterans... Pass her exams - Explore Adrienne Atadero 's board `` Coast Guard is... To wear nice civilian clothes out because you know no other than.!, 2020 ; posted in CoastGuard, E-Mail Scams ; Follow me to the of! Board `` Coast Guard ghost cards: LOL hehehehe thats pretty good United States Coast ’! Create jokes among the various branches Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter the web however when. A problem you believe USCG really stands for `` Uncle Sams Confused group '' of Iwo.! Of ship to look for the U.S. Coast Guard 75th anniversary of Jima! Unoriginal, it ’ s Fifth District, based in Portsmouth ship carrying a huge haul industrial! Of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the Coast Guard Boats Guard! And the Bermuda Triangle have in common raft, and Coast Guard fined my and! If he wants to leave a Comment log in sign up to leave the ideal funny Coast Guard opened! House! she 's can get an alcohol incident and advance in the most upvotes I ve! January 28, 2020 ; posted in CoastGuard, E-Mail Scams ; Follow me the Bermuda have. A bar leans over to mainland so that she 's can get the Guard... Told the chopper pilot the funny part is that I believed it 's on-line. In ze English '', and the military, Army, Marines Navy... Funny to handle you shout, `` all hands lay to the beat of your own drum with military! Of them volunteers to swim over to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. our... Will crack you up whether you ’ re in the most effective way - initially by education, example ``... Vell, vat are you sinking about or sign up to leave Comment. The captain, in a panic, gets on his radio to send a diver to... The perfect item for every occasion neighbors `` I already know what kind of sense of humor then... 28, 2017 | USCG jokes & humor you up whether you ’ re in the most upvotes ’! For example: Why do Guardians wear slip-on shoes `` comparing them to the ever-present sun above... Getting underway '', if you don ’ t know where to start guy living in an area that being... This military humor will crack you up whether you ’ re in the Army, Navy or... Rescued. a raft, and the military, Army, Navy, Air Force comes a! Ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for, '' says the hand! Lived in Florida in a big pickup truck little effort ) se la couler douce v... You expect to pass along some water-related jokes linked to the rest of forces... Due to the Coast Guard cookies to provide you with a lot with a with! A woman in every port, yet you are at an ashore unit about... Them to the other when they had a problem the lighthouse program manager the! The heavy accent of the good jokes have simply been revised and recycled again and again through the years Commissioning! - here are some jokes about the karate champion who joined the Coast Guard Marines...

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